2016 has been quite a year, as has each year before it. It’s another year that I’m grateful to have experienced and survived.
As I reflect upon the events of this past year, my attention is drawn to these two words: conflict, anger.
Previously, I shared that with the help of a trusted friend and professional grief counselor, Susana Morell, I was able to resolve the anger that formed the core of my drive. The accompanying manifestations of resentment, impatience, jealousy, pride, and rash-judgement, amongst others, had found their root.
Experiences from early childhood through late adolescence created compounded complexities that warped my worldview and especially my view of self. I had received professional therapy from time to time since the age of 11, from talented professionals, but those therapy models simply addressed symptoms of an abiding thorn.
It wasn’t until fortuitous circumstances connected Susana and I that I was able to find re-birth and abiding peace.
It was through that process of learning, listening, and laboring that I was able to follow her guidance to heal. It was because of her work and talents that I was able to come to a place of trust, a place that allowed me to resolve my conflict of mortality.
* * *
My anger seemed to be a chasm of unknown depths. I vividly remember asking myself the question, “Why is there no end to my anger?” Prior to meeting Susana, I recall coming to the realization that I was emotionally exhausted at being so angry at so much in the world. I was a miserable wretch. But, I knew there was something there. I just couldn’t identify it. For years, I had known there was something there. I just could not, for the life of me or my kin, identify it.
* * *
I share this publicly for a few reasons, reasons which all point to this: healing brings peace.
I started off 2016 by leaving a job that paid me very well for my work. That decision took a hefty toll on my relationship with my wife. To be candid, it’s a miracle that she stuck it out with me. Severe financial disagreements can often prove fatal to a marriage’s longevity.
After leaving that job, I explored other entrepreneurial interests. As was so often the case, a lack of clarity and explicit focus prevented me from sticking to core offerings. But, something happened shortly after hitting a depressive episode: I met Susana and began my guidance with her.
It didn’t take long, in fact, my serial inability to focus quickly found its cause: emotional states such as mine were terribly expensive (in terms of energy consumed) and required lots of funding just to keep going.
It’s hard to focus on one thing when you’re using a kaleidoscope for glasses!
* * *
After a series of progressively intense and intimate sessions, I found peace and freedom! I was now free to explore the world and feel and listen and simply be, without being on guard. It was a sacred re-birth, one that I’ll forever cherish. I am eternally indebted to Susana for her service and love. Thanks Susana!
As I began to see my life story more clearly and with a perspective of reason, I began to identify the vast and seemingly endless amount of conflict and anger in the world all around us.
Each and every human being deserves the dignity to be heard, to “be listened to”. So often, people aren’t really saying what they want to. It frequently takes a while of listening to them for them to tire. To borrow a parenting analogy, “You can hold him once he cries himself to sleep.”
In my younger years and before I was married, I thought I wanted to be a motivational speaker. Shortly thereafter, I became aware that motivation isn’t an external process and I quickly dropped that thought.
I then thought that I’d pursue inspiring others through media production. I’m building that now.
The driver of all of my efforts in every aspect of my life is
- Do not intentionally cause another to suffer, and
- Help others to heal from anger, pain, and resentment.
I share these words with you with the knowledge that at least one person you know is looking to heal in some form or way. YOU can help that to happen. Are you ready?
-David
